Flexibility Aspirant Pillows

Yoga Accident.

"I wish I had her jewelry." "I wish I had his wife." "I wish I had her figure." "I wish I had his money."

Bench Press Accident

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"Remember, ladies, if you are doing this right you shouldn't be able to do it."

"Yoga helps me unwind."

'It's a suitability test I give all flexible working requests.'

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

'This new 'flexible working' scheme is a great idea. . . It helps us to identify staff who have a more balanced life. People who have interests outside of the office.'

'OK... Technically you CAN touch your toes.'

"I warned you about those contortions, Mr. Dershowitz."

"I've had a lot of free time this year."

'You should now feel relaxed and at one with your whole body.'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

"I don't know which makes me happier: switching to natural gas to save money or watching the fight about fracking in order to get that gas."

A mid-lithe crisis.

'This part of your office's new flexible-work-from-home-schedule?'

The Janopause

"Cobra pose assisted by chocolate mousse."

"They got rid of 'work from home,' so I pushed for 'blanket forts from office.'"

Why The Ball Is Jumping Out

"Okay, I'm not the fastest gun in the west. . . but I am the fastest gun in my immediate family!"

"My alignment is pathetic for downward-facing dog."

'Oh...you actually meant bedroom gymnastics.'

"MMPHH. . . I said I don't think I'm built for yoga!"

Ballerina

The Acrobat/Musician

'How are your yoga classes working out?'

Finally. A home exercise system that really is a clothes rack!

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

"Oh, gosh! Yoga in twenty minutes."

'I love being my own boss!'

'How's your pilates class doing?'