Flattery Seeker Gifts

"What'll it be, handsome?"

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Likes: $2.

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

Meet the Enemy

"I'm in a catch-23 situation."

Flyfishing for dummies.

Censors 'no' a good thing when they see it.

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'Amscray,fuzzbrain - no carnivores allowed

'I'm sending another scam email requesting money to help free Willy...'

And here's the office floor plan. The numbers indicate the recommended sequence in which to step on people on your way to the top.

'Stick them up...'

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"Beware of the frog"

Coronavirus Waves

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'I know how much you like holding hands, so I brought you a box of them..'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"Another flue shot, Larry.

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

Quality Control

How to win friends and Influenza People.

Torturing the English Language

"Don't deny it. You only wanted me for my metadata."

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'