Fix-it Maestro Gifts

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

'Yes Gov. Found the trouble you needed a new windscreen wiper blade.'

Workers rest

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

Non-Drip ?

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

'Wilbur took really, really good care of his car.'

"I'll never understand wallpaper."

Computer Music

Decorating with Children

'There was a slight accident in shop class. I welded my braces together.'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'And if it ain't baroque, don't fix it.'

Organized chaos.

"Dad needs a Phillips screwdriver. Who's Phillip?"

Lawrence of Suburbia

When Cows Discovered Mowers

"It's garage music."

Elwood 'I Can Fix This Myself' McGrunzen

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

Spinning Plates!

TV Repair 101.

'I will now play a selection of digital audio files I downloaded today.'

'I think you're going to love it! Our award-winning chef microwaved them to perfection.'

Setbacks in the development of the rubber mallet.

As space walking astronaut vacuums dust particles: 'Houston, we see to have the cosmic dust problem under control.'

"Compliments to the chef. It really is superbly cooked!"

Those four microwave dings you just heard indicate that dinner is ready, Lance. Hop to it! Unlike some individuals I know, I am not one of Pavlov's wolverines.

Wallpaper Music

'I play heavy metal.'

Ted tests the limits of his new mulching mower.