Fix-it Fans T-Shirts

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

'Enjoy the sound of running water in your own home...'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Tool Box

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'She seems to think I only have one thing on my mind.'

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

Timber preservation

Is this for wiping greasy hands?

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

Bob’s Museum

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"Was it a fuse?"

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

'I think I found the problem.'

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

Back in a snap (chiropractor).