Fix-it Fans T-Shirts

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

'Enjoy the sound of running water in your own home...'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

Tool Box

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"You need to take this thingamajig...and attach it to the whatchamacallit using a turny thing."

"The bad news is that I backed into a fan. The good news is my owner's a plumber."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

Is this for wiping greasy hands?

Timber preservation

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

Bob’s Museum

'I think you want Phillips. Two doors down on the left.'

'Certainly. Here's the break-down. Seventy-five dollars for my labour. And seventy-five dollars for you impersonating a plumber.'

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

'Why did you get a huge socket wrench set? You never use socket wrenches.'

'Hello, Robinson Crusoe here, I'd like my kitchen finished by Friday.'

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

"Was it a fuse?"

'Hanging around the house, Fred, just in case.'

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

'I think I found the problem.'

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

"I'm looking for a Father's Day gift. What kind of wrench says 'I love you'?"

Organized chaos.