Fitness Through Work Jokester Pillows

"We don't have an exercise room here. You'll stay in shape by climbing the ladder, jumping through hoops, toeing the line..."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'I recognize the face ... I just can't pin down the name.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

He likes to make work fun

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"If you really want to get ahead you'll need to stop licking your own butt and start licking mine."

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"Make sure the coffee has extra caffeine. I want the employees awake during overtime."

Corporate Ladder and Corporate Elevator

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

'Don't disturb me - I'm in conference!'

'Tell your boss we represent an independent watchdog committee.'

'I think our only choice at this point is to take the next big step.'

'So, paternity leave problem solved then?'

"Who's your daddy corporation?"