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"Why do you call it a thyroid problem when it's been giving me an excuse for the 20 pounds I gained this year?"

He has to chase it around until the french fry falls out.

"I've been trying to diet, but it's been up and down and up and down..."

'My fat is like a disgruntled ex-employee.'

"Well we COULD tell people to eat less and exercise more, but where's the money in that?"

How much did you lose on your 14 day diet?

Obese man wearing a T-shirt with 'Too Big To Fail'.

'This is not an obscene call - I'm huffing and puffing because I'm out of breath!'

'How much have you lost so far?', '$375.00'

"This feels like an accomplishment."

Sleepwalker on treadmill

"It seemed like miles to me!"

'Almost everything I have hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

Guy in gym

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

Yoga for beginners,

'I think dad's getting fitter. I couldn't hear him wheezing until he turned the corner today.'

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

"We're looking for a 5000 step walk."

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

"At what point does slow jogging become walking?"

"My diet book is outselling yours."

"I have a whole closet full of running clothes I never wear."

"To be honest...if it wasn't for the dog I wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

A woman stares at a birthday cake that has "4,000,000 calories" written on top of it in icing.

'Wouldn't it be easier if we just got more heavier friends?'

A mid-lithe crisis.

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

"I can't give enlightenment, only great calves."