Fiscal Guru Gifts

'Reducing the nation's debt helps everyone, rich & poor!'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

The president's men

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

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'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'You realize, we can't use the 'benign neglect' method for everything.'

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

The best financial decision I ever made.

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

"Hoskins, try saying 'profits are up' without the finger quotes, okay?"

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

The economy.

E.U. Banking Union.

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"We need to change, but WHEN?"

"I can always tell when Philip is working on family finances. A 'cursor' appears on both sides of the computer screen."

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'