First-time Homeowner Humorist T-Shirts

'I'm having real trouble getting on the property ladder...'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

Yard Sale

Pest Control

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'Is the fire included?'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

How to Build a Bungalow

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Carpet Cows

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

Oh, one door closes, another opens -- How have you been?

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.