First Mother's Day Pillows

"For Mother's Day I decorated the whole kitchen with glitter."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"How can you be out of wings?"

City Zoo: Day Care

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

Playing Fetch.

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

The Busy Gardener

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Domestic Superheroes!!

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

I like the Jets...I guess

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They grow up so fast."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

Lady of the Cake.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."