First Lady Aficionado T-Shirts

"I liked Nancy Reagan, but somehow I like Barbara Bush even more."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

The Working Woman's Magazine

'If we have only fractional ownership, it's not a private jet anymore, is it?'

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Presidential Pooch Meets The Press

Little Red Riding Carpet

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Look, having nuclear - my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T. - good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart. . ."

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

US National holiday

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

"I travel Prada whenever I can."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

JET (Part I)

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

Leo McKern

Teddy Roosevelt

Viggo Mortensen

Meryl Streep

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

'This scent goes well with a diamond necklace.'

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

'Sorry I am late - have you been waiting long?'

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

“Rumor has it, it’s happy hour.”

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

'This condo is the height of luxury, The sprinkler system sprays Perrier,'

"Morning, Brad." "Morning, Angelina."

"Elizabeth Warren? Carly Fiorina? They'd never get elected president. They're not royalty like a Clinton, Bush or Kennedy."