First Edition Collector T-Shirts

'...and what's more, they're all first editions.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'It finally took me thirty years, but I finally have one of every 3-D comic book ever made'

"That's five votes for In The Midst of Winter....three votes for The Hollow Ground....and, again, one vote for Moby-Dick."

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

'The pile of unread books by the bed looks bigger than the futon...'

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'Stamp collecting has gotten more competitive.'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Martin Scorsese Roasts Your Fandom

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Nostalgia is one helluva drug."

'It's time you knew the truth. You're not my real son. You're a novelization.'

Doulton Canada Geese

'...But the good news is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"Hey, Dad, guess what? My Honus Wagner baseball card is worth $2.1 million!"

"I wonder what this was for."

Over-reaction Man.

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

They're souvenir magnets from all the places we've done battle.

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

Pre-Bay

'How old is this vase?'

'You used to be a living legend. Now you're a living has been.'

Edgar Wallace.

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."