First-date Hustler Pillows

'Quick, comb your hair and throw on some makeup. Each tranquilizer dart only lasts a few minutes.'

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

Buy one beer, get one free. If I may paraphrase a famous quote, "Beer is proof that God has mixed feelings about us and wants us to be hungover."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

"Your online profile says you like to foxtrot."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

Here's one for you... she likes long lurches in the moonlight, scared of fire... enjoys terrorizing villages...

'You've got plenty of time for a little prayer before you get to him.'

"Well, Arnold, it's been fun."

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

"I like anything but long walks on the beach."

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

'Romance-minded clown in hot pursuit of woman'

'You've become unbearable since you started working in that betting shop!'

'Single Heating and Cooling technician in search of intelligent, attractive woman. Send picture of your furnace & AC.'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

"I'm a fancier of dogs and interesting men."

"So tell me again where you're from."

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

"I like long walks on the beach and beautiful sunsets, too...but who are you?"

Nethead strip: Dates

'You must be Olivia.'

But enough about me, let's talk about my job.

'I've never felt like this on a first date, Tom, you're suffocating me.'