First Communion Gifts

"Say the whole prayer, none of this et cetera, et cetera..."

"I decided to get comfortable...we have a lot to talk about."

Young child saying grace

Kid all dressed up: 'I'm going to be embarrassed to be seen with myself.'

"My child when you look at a flower,you see the face of god!"

'I'm just going to say my prayers. Any requests?'

'Those wafers are no good. Why don't they have cookies?'

'Someday I'm going to tell you all of the things I've done right.'

"I just friended God!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'OK, the old one's in my right hand, the donor's in my left. Rght?'

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

Children's Dreams on Christmas Eve

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"I'm getting red fruits, earth tones, and oak. Amen."

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

Drive-thru Church

"His first word was 'Dotcom'."

Love at First Sight.

'He said his first words today - 'Let's sue them'.'

The Inexperienced Cook

Playground reputation.

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

'Wanna see my tadpole collection?'

What's the big surprise? All the latest theories of linguistics say we're born with the innate capacity for generating sentences.

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

'And that,and that,and that...'