First Christmas In A New Home Gifts

Extra Large Christmas Tree

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

The Deconstructed Tree

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

LAY ZEE FUK

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Lady of the Cake.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

Gardener

Allotment

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"And this is our media room."

Rose Garden

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Beach Barbecue

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

"The following film has been formatted to fir the screen of the newer and more expensive television set."

'With my parents out of the house, I can finally start my long awaited mural project.'

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Get... a-nother room!"

'Your fancy new grill works great. . .and we didn't even have to turn it on.'

Candle Portraits.

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

'Bad luck duck - he's on your side of the bed.'

Getting to Know You

'MY husband made the coffee table out of an old door.'