First Child's Birth Pillows

'No creamed peas for me today!'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"His first out-of-body experience."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Einstein, the children are getting too complex for me.'

A young Don King

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

Baby Piano

My First Camera

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"That's not how I sat on you."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"He's not talking yet, but sometimes we give him peanut butter to make it look like he is."

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"String ... you mean it doesn't have a remote controller to operate it?"

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

Children's artwork exhibition.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

'Don't be silly- of course you're going into the family business!'

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

Trombone emerges from pram. Mother says: 'I'm a firm believer in starting them young.'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."