First Book Deal Pillows

'This is the shortest autobiography I've ever read!'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

Kar Boot Sale (child's toys).

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

Best Seller

'He speaks for our entire generation. Pity he's such a bore...'

'Is this your first book launch?'

"I've read all your books and seen all your plays, and I wear your 'Gimme' cap."

Sumo Love.

No animals were harmed during the writing of this book report....

'Can I hand in my report tomorrow. Ms. D'Amato? I haven't finished reading the book. I've been too busy coloring it.'

A man crosses a fountain pen bridge to reach books.

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

"I wrote, self-published and remaindered it myself."

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

Book Deal

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

Rare Books / Exceedingly Rare Books / Never Published Books

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

"It's about keeping the bunny alive within each of us."

Tell the author your idea for a book at 3 pm.

'Your book has a wonderful, timely quality. We're putting it on our list for a 2009 release.'

'They've agreed to our 3-book, 7-figure offer, but only if you remain obscene and obnoxious through book 2.'

"As your first novel, it starts out badly and just falls away!"

Meet the Oar-thor.

First-Customer-Earned

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

'You're on the very bottom of the 'property ladder'. Or as we estate agents call it; 'the food chain'.'

'Hey, this is nice! You should see my starter cave!'

'I know it's tough starting out. Your father and I started out in a plastic bag.'

Knowing your audience

"Just how rare? The first print run of this book, in 1935 was just 6 copies and we're still waiting for one of those to sell...."

Books. Meet the Bestselling Author of Handwriting Analysis Books. What you mean you won't be signing any copies?

'I've been working on this novel since I was 10 years old.'