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Penis Sniffing Fire Hydrant

Four Common Lampshade Mistakes and How To Avoid Them.

Gadget geek.

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

Finally! A cure for the common cold!

Relaxing in front of a fire.

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

"OK then, I admit it. Installing the log burner was a bad idea!"

"If history has taught us anything, it's taught us that there have been a ridiculous number of books written about history."

Nuclear energy.

Energy Conservation Be Damned. Fred constantly prepared for Global Warming and Nuclear Winter to happen at the same time.

The man who discovered smoke

"Well, that's right. It is a disco ball. The regular lamp is in the shop."

'Fersteimer believes in strictly minding his own business.'

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

Two Cats 'I just love curling up without a good book.'

'Look, fire is fire - Why try to develop theories about it?'

"What do you think? Would flaming marshmallows make good torches?"

'Sunning ourselves works alright, but nothing beats a good fire to really warm you up...'

"It's cut my heating bills right down."

"I'm thinking that I may move hell to the west coast of the United States. There's more fire there."

Dragon fireplace

An snail shell with a chimney

The best apartment at The Maypole

'Joe said he had some special bulbs.'

"Well here's your trouble right here...Your flints have gone."

"The house needs to have comfortable window ledges. Lots of windows! And a fireplace!"

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'I'm not putting it out. There's enough oak in this Chardonnay to keep this fire going all night.'

'Another one. Do you realize that will make the third time this month we've held a fire drill?'

"You want the genie...I'm the genius of the lamp."

"It must be his beeper."

It is hip to put a lampshade on your head at a party only if it is an art lamp.