Firearm Maintenance Pillows

'How to clean a loaded gun.'

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Bribes for Jabs

"I warned you about the recoil on that one."

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

"I'd like a new tire for my 1976 Chevy Chevette."

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

"Lovely dovetail."

"One more rinse and the inside of your car will be clean too, Dad."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

Auto parts, Lite Puff Pastries, & Health Insurance Exchange.

"You're developing a nice, rich compost down here."

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

Kid about scratched up car to dad: 'I made a mistake washing the car with a brillo pad.'

"It took a lot of work to build this car..."

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

'Wilbur took really, really good care of his car.'

Lazy plumber.

"We're having a little trouble with our hydraulic lift. I guess my question is, do you still want your muffler replaced?"

Car wash / Mouth wash

'Whatever happened to 'Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.''

"Heck of a shot, son, but that's not a deer."

Man has applied car wax and sees the whole car melt in the sun.

You were fixing cars in your sleep again.

"Washing your car will cause it to rain – science or superstition? We investigate on the next 'Cause and Effect.'"

Joan of Arc goes sword shopping.

"I told you not to polish the car too much."

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'If you're not over-protective of your new SUV, then why on earth would you bring it way out here on our hunting trip?'

Firearms Museum. Blunderbuss. That's funny, I always thought a "blunderbuss" was a messed-up kiss.

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."