Fine Wine Snob T-Shirts

"No, no, it's certainly not a Gerwurztrameiner; that's too far north."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"I make it myself!"

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

Wordplay: Export.

Wine tasting

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

'My husband will order the wine. He happens to be a graduate of the 3-Second Master of Wine program.'

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"House red, sir?"

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Ahh, the '74 Amarone. Unfortunately, I can't sell it to you. There's no possible way you'd appreciate it.'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

Wine tasters...

'Ptuwah! This is tap water!'

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

Prosecco Drinker

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

"It's an unpretentious little wine!"

"What wine goes best with vodka?"

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

'Seems it all started at a wine-tasting seminar m'lud, nobody brought a bucket.'

"Yeah, he changed water into wine but it was nothing you'd want to lay down."

"How much do you spend on a decent bottle of wine?"

"I'm getting gnats, I'm getting cats, I'm getting dogs..."

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

"O+ Harvest of ;92."

"Waiter, this wine is corked!"

"Foreign wines have ruined me for domestics. I still shop local, but I gripe global."