Financially Savvy Foodie Pillows

'I thought you were supposed to spend green stuff.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Gentlemen-the sweets smell of success!'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

'They ought to change the name of this deli to The Cramer - they get it wrong 50 of the time.'

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

'We let our products speak for themselves. This is ‘I Can't Believe It's So Tasty And Price-Friendly In Today's Demanding Market.' '

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"Liverwurst is down an eighth, egg-salad is up two and a half, and peanut-butter-and-jelly remains unchanged."

'You shouldn't put all your cash into one stock... you need to diversify. Try buying beef, vegetable and chicken stock...'

Cooking the books

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

Lunch Broker

Bank Roll

'That's $27.50, including the fuel surcharge, carbon tax, noise nuisance and environmental impact fee.'

'You say that you were a chef before retraining as an accountant?... That's good, we could use a bookkeeper who can cook.'

'Let's get some lunch in here. I don't trust my gut instincts on an empty stomach.'

Pork bellies 3 times a day...cookbook for the commodities investor.

"We use the cheapest ingredients and pass the savings on to you."

Posh restaurant - 'We'll have the sandwiches.'

"Your broker has 'comped' your meals."

Camper special! PORK 'N' BEANS...50 gallons...only $49.99...Limit: 3 per customer.

'We've had a cash machine put in.'

"He's working out what he can buy when his pay rise comes through."

Man reading fortune cookie: 'Hey, cool - it's an up-to-the-minute stock report.'

'Tonight on the Gourmet Accountant - cooking the books.'

'Oh yes, the market may fall, but trust me, we always land on our feet.'

Pizza By The Slice

'Mrs. Gersten, I'm taking you out of trans-fatty acid stocks, and putting you into fruits and veggies'

'You call yourself a full-service broker? Where are the danish and muffins?'

'You've got to help me, Doc -- My Diner's Club card is maxed out!'