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"Audit him - but make it look like an accident."

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

...I wonder who started the rumour of your resignation?

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

Greece - The Black Hole

'This morning a rumor that we would buy the Arpex Corp drove our stock up $3. Around noon a rumor that Arpex would buy us drove it up another $3. And in the afternoon a rumor that wo have nothing to do with Arpex drove it up $3 more.'

Phobia Clinic: Now treating Dow 15,000 acrophobia.

The Apprentice: Recession Special.

"Will the current economic trend end in a whimper or a bang? For answers, let's turn to tonight's guests!"

'Greenspan said today the alert status for possible interest rate changes has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

'Make sure he doesn't turn his TV to any business news programs while he's here.'

The Great Hunter

No future for the dollar.

"Yes, I AM the CEO of the bank that received the BAIL OUT MONEY, why do you ask?"

'If you kiss me, I'll cause the Dow Jones Industrial Average to soar, manufacturing and trade data to re-accelerate, and housing to rebound significantly throughout the remainder of this and the next quarter.'

Panic attack outside the courthouse

'Good news! Some guy stole my identity online. Now he's saddled with my bad credit rating.'

'Buy... sell... buy... sell... buy...'

Prisoner to other: 'But what I actually ended up doing was consolidating all my debts into one ten-year sentence.'

Home mortgages and government bailouts.

"I was innocent but the jury thought I looked really guilty."

"I don't like the looks of this..."

S.S, Eurozone in Mayday call

"Don't do anything rash, sir - The government gave us two more weeks to get into compliance!"

"First of all, Mr. Keller, I'll buy you a new shirt."

Stealth Taxman

'Can I call you back? I'm expecting someone.'

'Looks like a Ponzi scheme, but you got in early so you should be fine - provided you keep your mouth shut.'

I.R.S. tax office with man sitting in front of agent's desk looking at RECOVERY & SCREAM ROOM door.

'Now remember, let me do the crying.'

'it's the local bank manager.'

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