Financial Security Warrior Pillows

Took Professional Financial Advice - Please Help!

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Will work for ETFs

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

"The only thing that's not gone up is the pound."

"People are looking for stability in pension arrangements..."

'Why do I get the impression that my 401(k) isn't performing well.'

"A wage increase to match inflation."

A smiling man leaning on large piggy bank.

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

Student Debt

"We got the cactus account!"

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.

Investments: Call us hopeless romantics for still believing money can make you happy!

Breaking Through

'Does he do anything besides watch the money?'

"All yours, Buddy. I'm ALREADY living on house money."

'Getting back into the market can be stressful. I recommend a portfolio heavy on sleep-aids, tranquilizers, and antacids.'

Popular college book: How to say 'Send money' in 101 languages.

'I met the greatest guy! He's sweet, he's handsome, and his insurance policy is Equity Indexed Whole Life!'

'You're lucky you're just a kid and don't have to worry about things like going out and getting a job when you're supposed to be retired.'

"Glen is a one-issue voter....medicare and social security solvency."

"Ed's security blanket. Two hundred and twenty acres!"

'Your assets are perfectly safe with us, it's ring fenced - and of course we reconcile regularly sir.'

MBA, PhD £100,000 student loan. Please Help.

"We don't send statements - they cause too many heart attacks."

'With these crazy markets, you have to diversify to protect your money. Put some under your mattress, some in your sock drawer, maybe some in a hole in the yard...'

'How to handle market stress' book being thrown through investments office window.

'At last you can put your feet up and concentrate on worrying about your pension.'

'The side effects are headaches, sweating,nervousness, and a depressed bank account.'

'If you ask me, they're after your bank account number.'

"With me it's even worse. I'm still paying off loans from nursery school."