Financial Schemers T-Shirts

'For the right price, I could find a way to make bribes deductible.'

"Man-to-man talk, Randy." "Proceed, friend." "If you were being audited, and you may have accidentally burned all your receipts and ledgers...would it be manlier to run away to a country that has no extradition treaty with the ours, or to weasel out of it by ratting out an even bigger tax cheat?" "Or, would it be manlier to frame the auditor for a crime he didn't commit?" "Gonna have to take a day to think about this one."

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'You're closer to the Big Guy than anyone. Will you help us kill him?'

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

"My assistant is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of guy."

Propping up a profits chart.

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

'We're seeking a safe tax haven for our investments.'

'let's see if we can find any loopholes in this 'honesty-is-the-best-policy' nonsense.'

'Well, son... I've made my first million by selling my unpaid bills to the paper-recycling guy!'

Mono-Tasking, Multi-Tasking, No-No Tasking and Nada Tasking.

'Damn, I just love this new problem solving tool!'

'We've decided to foreclose on Paraguay, Ferguson -- Get down there and take the place over.'

"Look, let's just say I haven't seen anything, Charlie hasn't heard anything, and Tom hasn't said anything."

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

"Rest assured we invest your money as if it were our own. Can I borrow 50 bucks?"

'I need you to reassure the investors. Can you keep a straight face?'

'You'r either having trouble hearing, or there's a boy you want to be closer to.'

"So, are we singing from the same hymnbook?"

'Business is slow. Go and throw a few banana skins on the pavement.'

The Tax Loophole

"I'm moving all the money from our rainy day account into a slush fund."

'Find out if she would have like me if I hadn't asked so many people.'

In. Out. Destroyed without my knowledge.

Bar. Go tell her you like long walks on the beach. She's a sandpiper.

Cost of food in Cuba

'High interest rates won't stop me from shopping!'

'I loved working for the bank. I was taking home $250,000 a week.'

"If we don't decide what we're worth, who will?"

"Let's tell him we've been good. He probably won't call our bluff."

'I'm sorry. The possibility that you may have won $10 million in the sweepstakes won't do as collateral.'