Financial Reporting Gifts

'He celebrates the fiscal New Year.'

"I see you brought the pie charts."

'If the S.E.C. had its way... we could only report what we earned.'

'This year we're in really great shape. Nobody understands our financial statement!'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

"Nice try, Ms. Newborn, but let's shoot for something that doesn't paint us into a fiscal corner with facts."

"The graph hasn't changed in six months, I'm starting to doubt the analytics team."

"Thank you for that summation of the charts."

'My work is based on a version of the truth, but I believe the truth to be fluid...'

'Even our phony subsidiary had a lousy quarter.'

"Your job will be to make these results look Stellar."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'Now that we've defined 'happy deficits' let's try it out on the stockholders.'

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'That's what I thought, finances are tight: She's switched to no-name cat food...'

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

Sheep Ledger

Business is off the chart.

'Yo-you Ma will now raise our spirits and assuage our pain.'

"For details on the bear market, here's a bear..."

'Honestly Bob, it's not that bad. If you can make as much next year as you did this year you'll be able to pay off your outstanding taxes for last year. That'll just leave the interest, the tax for this year and... my fees.'

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

Granny with balanced pie chart

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

Gone Bookkeepin'

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"