Financial Planning For Retirement Mugs

'I keep having this nightmare that we don't spend the money in time and the kids inherit it all.'

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

The day the stock market went UP.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Watering Money

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

Graph Your Relatives!

"What a tragedy... he still had two years of his super left..."

"This place is nice, but what would we really do if we lived here? Lie around and be happy all the time?"