Financial Planning For The Future Mugs

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

The day the stock market went UP.

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"I'm from brokers without borders. Invest in deserted island reits!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

"One year closer to college!"

Watering Money

"If I made as much as him, I could retire in a couple of days"

"Cash, Jordan. That's what separates man from the apes."

'Dammit - how do we get in on that gross national product?'

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

I'm not making enough money to like you.

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

Graph Your Relatives!

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

'The economy being what it is, we've had to make a few changes in your retirement plan. . .'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.