Financial News Readers Pillows

"Gold prices fell. I guess we're not worth that much today."

Businessman uses yoga moves while reviewing financial news on computer

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'The recession is over, again.'

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

The symbol for the euro (?) depicted as the wheel of a wheelchair, symbolising the state of the currency

"Up market, down market - he's still the same old curmudgeon."

"And then, like an idiot, I turned to the boss and said 'Maybe the stock market isn't the only thing that's been overvalued!'"

"This just in... All new Euro notes are to be printed on Greece-proof paper."

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

Giant merger.

'U.S. stocks surged on news that the government they all hate won't go out of business.'

"Since when did economists become sociologists?!"

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'The Dow has shot up 2.5% on positive data on housing - until five minutes from now, when it'll be interpreted differently.'

'Stocks fell on the news that whatever can go wrong, usually does go wrong.'

'Wouldn't it be easier if the banks simply merged with the Inland Revenue?'

'I hear it's a grudge match between the three of them.'

'The market goes up, the market goes down. And that's our business report.'

'Skip the comics. Let's get on to the financial page.'

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

The market went up and down, up and down, up and down...

'He used to swear by the stock market. Now he swears at it.'

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

'My mentor and role model was a frequent flyer.'

" ... and markets closed lower today on news that markets would close lower today."

"On Wall Street today, the stock market corrected its previous correction, and is pretty sure it's got it right this time."

"Today, stocks dropped on news the new federal reserve chief, Janet Yellen, is a 'rookie'."

'Today, in the stock market, 'irrational exuberance' was up, 'caution' was down.'

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

"What a great day to be alive and not under indictment."

'Stocks soared on news a financial lobbyist wants 'greed' dropped as one of the cardinal sins.'