Financial News Enthusiast Pillows

"The market might have been up today but many investors were wrapped in plastic and duct tape."

Stocks fell today on bad economic news that stocks fell today.

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell!'

European Rescue

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

"We balanced our budget this month!"

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

Tempest in a Teapot

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

Money Plant.

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark

The symbol for the euro (?) depicted as the wheel of a wheelchair, symbolising the state of the currency

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

"This is Mr Jones, the new Head of our Holding Company."

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."