Financial Markets Parody Pillows

"Your stork analyst is here, sir."

Spot the difference.

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Give me something that will restore my faith in Equities . . .'

The Contrarian funds

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'On Wall Street, both stocks and bonds dropped on news that adversity is good for the soul.'

'The 'free market' economic theory is falling!'

Your son has a genetic inability to calculate. This forecasts for him a brilliant career in the Ministry of Finance.

'The bad news is that we're only in it for the money.'

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"We disagree with the president - we kinda like Robin Hood - we take from everyone and keep it - how much more successful can you get?"

Stock Market Research and Analysis

I think I can explain what happened to your investment, with the use of this simple chart.

'It's a demonstration by retired CEOs who refuse to give up their bonuses.'

'I today's market news, Greed roared back.'

Offshore tax havens.

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'