Financial Market Buff Mugs

'You're beat. Maybe you need to wake up to a better morning news team.'

Title: Political candidate focused on minor issues of interest to few

The day the stock market went UP.

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'This is where I hang out until bullishness makes a comeback.'

"He'll do anything to say in power."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

'Oh, no! It's all in euros!'

'The bad news is that we lost a lot of money last quarter... The good news is that it was a record.'

"Comparing our salaries with the workers' salaries makes me cry...with laughter!"

Standard & Poor

The symbol for the euro (?) depicted as the wheel of a wheelchair, symbolising the state of the currency

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

I brake for federal bailouts.

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

'...and the Nikkei closed down on the day.'

'He'll love this cologne. It has the scent of an undervalued stock.'

'Money, I'm home!'

"Right now I'm mostly in cash."

Mr. Dow meeting Mr. Jones

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

'Mr Sims, in honor of your portfolio, we're flying our flag at half-mast.'

"I told you everyone would come as a bull or a bear..."

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'I just checked my portfolio and it's worth a small fortune. Unfortunately, I started with a large fortune.'

America's funniest investment scams

'He said his first words today - 'dividend reinvest'.'

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

The truth about the death of the Dinosaurs.