Financial Funatics Pillows

Junk bonds, inc. InOut trays.

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

'This is where we go to get away from it all. . . except for Stanley's money.'

Stock market Bull & Bear financial whirlwind.

Born to raise interest rates.

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

'Our short-term solution is money. Our long-term solution is more money.'

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

First United Church of Outrageously Overlimited Credit Card Holders

'What if we televise government budget hearings and make them pay-per-view?'

Overdraft limit.

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

I am billing, therefore I am.

"Tell me the fairytale about the economy."

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

'Wait a minute....!

'I consider myself to be a sophisticated investor. I would never invest in penny stocks. I lost all of my money investing with a brokerage specializing in nickel stocks.'

Kicking The Habit

'My micro is so good it's beginning to grow into the macro.'

'Very nice, but I was hoping they'd be a little bit more obscene.'

'Inadvertently, Optometrist Niles Frobe triggers the Global Financial crisis' 'You have a bad case of eyestrain. I want you to keep your eyes off the ball for a few weeks!'

"We're a hedge fund, Mr Marney, so I'm putting your allocation at 30% stocks, 30% bonds, and 40% bushes."

'Then one day Ralph decided there isn't anything more important than money, and became a day trader.'

'The increased child tax credit is supposed to stimulate the economy...so how about a raise in my allowance?'

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

'This is where the company started handing out sick bags!'

'We need to schedule an autopsy audit to find out what happened here.'

'Tech stocks tumbled on news that Alan Greenspan's computer was down.'

"Rest assured we invest your money as if it were our own. Can I borrow 50 bucks?"

'Pep's finance' man confused and scared of 'Real estate', 'Gold' etc

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

Fat Cat & Accountant - 'How much tax can I avoid by becoming a Philanthropist?'

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."