Financial Foresight Enthusiast Gifts

"Mr. Purvison, your only hope or a secure retirement is a short life span."

'Give it to me straight, Doc, what are the chances of a recession?'

'Do you have anything with an Early-Warning System?'

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Money Plant.

"See? A huge surge in all the major crowdfunding sites right before the Big Bang!"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"We balanced our budget this month!"

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

Tempest in a Teapot

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'