Financial Aid Pillows

'It's a private school. Can't say which one, it's private.'

Ailing Economy - Please Help.

"Dude?!. . . We are so scared of a draft. . . we won't even fill out our financial aid forms!"

"Just be yourself."

'You need an education or you will wind up in some fast food place.'

"Hi-yah!"

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'I'll give you a clue. The answer is a number, not a fruit.'

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

"Can I have another sausage Dad?"

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

Lamb Noise.

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

"We have the exact same taste."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

"How do I know this isn't a performance art piece?"

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

Raining

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"See what happens when you go swimming after eating!"

"Wheeeeeeee!"

'Mom says finger painting was digital art before computers.'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

"What did you just say? Did you just say 'Christmas'?!!"

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

'This is not fair, mom. . . none of my friends is forced to hibernate before December.'

"How else will I know when I'm clean as a hound's tooth?"

"You know, son, you're not going to get anywhere just gliding around all the time!"

'Because it'll put you to sleep. That's why I'm reading you the third quarter report.'

Mom bought the wrong flakes

'So far more education hasn't helped me get a job. I think I'll get some student loans and get some more education.'