Finance Wiz Pillows

Investing 101 Acronym Test.

"How many spaces does a decimal point have to move before it's officially called a paradigm shift?"

T-shirts for sale: 'life isn't fair'. Vendor comments, 'I sell a lot of these during down markets.'

A collective sigh of relief.

The day the stock market went UP.

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"What's a debenture?"

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Investments - remember, you are what you invest in!

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"They've given me the Lion's share of budgetary constraints."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

'If only I'd spent as much time on my investment portfolio as I did on my lolly mix when I was a kid.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

Piggy bank #6: Union Jack.

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Soaring Profits

"He's quick with the birds and bees stuff, but then comes the bulls and the bears..."

Preparing for casual dress friday at the investment bank.

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

STRIP Hambone: Sucidal computer over company balance sheets

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

Dow Jones drop

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

A burgandy from when the dow hit a record high.