Financial Whiz Pillows

'Meet Mummy's new husband. We hope to realize a number of economies through this merger and ask for your patience during the transition period.'

Fortune - Lost a Fortune.

'Faster! The auditors are half way down the hall!'

'Of course I know the value of a dollar...that's why I'm asking if I can borrow your credit card.'

'All this internet trading has caused you to neglect your children!' 'What children?'

'What! Nobody thought to bring a paddle?'

'You've been approved. As collateral, we'll be holding your nuts.'

"4 out of 5 doctors recommend you ask your financial planner if this drug is right for you."

"See - when interest rates go down, stocks go up. And when rates go up, stocks go down. Except when they don't."

'When is a good time to get a mortgage?'

"I just need help getting started. A little seed money."

'For Christmas, I'd like a nice 'Santa Claus Rally'.'

'Jones, how about a moratorium on keeping up? Our budget is a bit tight this year.'

"Of course I'm depressed. Just once I'd like to be associated with an up stock market."

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

Acme Financial Management - Risking other people's money since 1927.

'What? You've never had a loan application from a small business owner before?'

'We were just keeping up with the Joneses. How was I supposed to know the Joneses were keeping up with the Rockefellers?'

Little Investment on the Praire

"I can't take the stress anymore, doctor!"

"..and if the chairman rings, find out who he is."

'Today the market fell because Bernanke said the word 'down' more than once in a speech.'

Embezzle is a pretty strong word. Isn't it possible he just forgot where he buried them?

Robert Maxwell

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'Earnings per share, then an asterisk. I like that.'

'How would you like the books cooked --- cajun blackened,stir fried, or poached in a light cream sauce?'

Man sees boy selling lemonade and preparing taxes.

'Will you bring in Mr.Harris' file - you'll find it under 'U' for unbelievable.'

'There is a flow, Sir...it's just not cash.'

At least their adviser was good at explaining things.

Department of efficiency and cost analysis.

'Debt counselling - yours for only 24 easy-to-pay installments...'

IRS, 'This is the first time I've seen the square root of minus one on a tax return.'

'You may want to consider diversifying your portfolio'