Finance Professor Pillows

We won't have to face any angry stockholders. We're running our annual stockholders meeting as an online webcast.

"Pour yourself a drink - the news isn't too good"

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

Stock market investment advice

'Tech stocks rose on news 'old economy' stocks were down...reversing the rise in 'old economy' stocks when techs were down.'

"And you call yourself a socially-responsible investment portfolio!"

"What's a debenture?"

It's 10 p.m. Do you know why stocks rise and fall, but the U.S. National debt keeps going up?

Failure is no an option: "I'd now like to speak on the topic of government bailouts!"

'So, who's first?'

"Stimulus is like shaving - next morning you have to get up and do it all over."

'How to tell the difference between a bull market & a bum steer.'

'It's like a bull market, only not as aggressive. It's more like a steer market.'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

British savings accounts

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Profit

Great Chinese Dynasties

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'Hmph. College kids.'

Mario Draghi

Spot the difference.

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

GAS PRICES AT PUMP

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.