Finance Novice Pillows

'It's that folding stuff you use to buy things.'

"It creates the illusion of risk but you know you're perfectly safe."

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio?'

"Is this the best investment strategy you could come up with?"

Gerry, there are more accurate ways of balancing the petty cash.

Business of Fingerpointing Line Art

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

"I think I just solved my cash flow problem."

Today we learned to count to one.

Shop struggles to sell books about recession: '90 per cent off on all credit crunch books' (Titles incluude: Beat the Crunch! Who's to Blame? We're all Doomed!)

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

Warning that Inflationary Policies Could Lead to Crash on Wall St

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

I love it when you speak Wall Streetese. Say 'to the upside' for me.

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

Hedge fund sharks attacking 'The Markets' ship.

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

'Believe me dad. I'm on the school math team. If your investments declined 50 then increased 50 you did not break even.'

'...and this time Gerald, don't refer to the RBS as the Ripoff Bonus Scheme!'

Practical loans vs. devil-may-care loans.

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

'Stand back! All he needs is an injection of long-term capital.'

Tempest in a Teapot

"We balanced our budget this month!"

'Does it bother you that we have all the money?'

Money Plant.

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

'Don't you know that less packaging creates more waist?'

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'If nobody has any money, where did it all go?'

Golden parachutes inc. - 'Our pleas for bail-out funds were ignored.'