Finance Gags Appreciator Gifts

"I discovered this fantastic accountant, who knew all the angles, fot my tax liabilities down to almost nil, and even had the Inland Revenue owning me money. Unfortunately, the Inland Revenue discovered him shortly afterwards."

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

God bless our home equity line of credit.

A few Halloween costume ideas.

I need a raise. This is no time to joke. I've been on a buying binge at the iPhone app store and I can't pay my credit card. These apps are worth it. They're life-changing, they're

"...but, seriously..."

"My plan moving forward involves fire and Brazilian passports."

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

'Sorry, I don't do financial advice.'

Piggy bank queuing at the bank.

'Rumors...'

Demonic Repossession

'It's called 'Creative Accounting'.'

Deadpan Delivery.

Clancy: Borrowing Money

'My hedge fund just got trimmed!'

'Buy old masters, they hold their value better than old mistresses.'

Voice-activated computer cannot distinguish between buy and sell.

'All of you get your hands in the air and give me all your money!'

'We can pay you, or we can give you healthcare coverage, but we can't do both.'

'I had a house for that price, but it sold in 1962.'

'This is pretty good to prevent your money from slipping through your fingers!'

'I wish I had a dime for every prey that's escaped, then I could afford to eat out once in awhile.'

"I'm sorry, but the only 0% offer we can give you is the 0% chance of being accepted..."

"I don't jump on the countertops to annoy you. That's just a nice bonus."

"Vocabulary lesson. Billy Corey taught me the meaning of the word trouble."

"I think we retire too many numbers."

'Larry, have you seen the prospectus of our new 'chaos fund'? It should do well in the event of a global financial collapse.'

'But, you see, it is a balanced fund. Some of the stocks are excellent, and others are just plain lousy.'

'Leo, someday you'll thank me for your under-performing stocks, since money can't buy happiness.'

Don't Even Think of Insider Trading

"Not exactly the kind of morale boosting I had in mind."

"Of course you have a balanced portfolio, Ms. Osroid. Your big pharma stocks are 50% downers and 50% uppers."

'We had a clogged sink in the men's lavatory. I had to call in a Plumber.'

'Has this one got cavity walls?' 'Only since the rats moved in.'