Finance Funhouse Explorers Pillows

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'Based on your travels, what would you say is the greatest potential downside, if any, to investing in the Upper Amazon?'

"Apparently over 50% of people never look at their pension plans!"

'All those in favor of requesting a government bailout, say 'Karl Marx'.'

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

"Okay, like, the good news is we can pay Paul. The bad news is we gotta rob Peter."

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"That was a rumor day."

'There it is! I've isolated the origin of the firm's demise.'

We only have two things to fear - fear itself and someone getting a look at our books.

'Stocks gyrated today on news life is full of suprises.'

'Does he do anything besides watch the money?'

"Sorry, the only way we can afford a 3D printer, is if it can print some bearer bonds."

'My new investment counselor keeps referring to my stock portfolio as 'a financial aneurism waiting to happen'.'

'He, also, rebounded our stocks with our endorsement deal.'

"Well - that's enough from me, I shall now introduce our Head of Pensions..."

Masochism for stockholders.

"I asked my investment advisor for something that was low cost, easy to manage, and also functions on its own. He suggested an index fund or a robo vac."

'Oh my god! We've been the victims of cyber crime. . . someone on the other side of the world has paid all our bills.'

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'I'd like to extend my overdraft...'

Visit to the Bank Manager, "Marrying my daughter isn't the sort of security I had in mind, Harry!"

'How about a romantic caper about two lost souls who meet and find happiness investing in mutual funds.'

"So easy a caveman did do it."

'We ran your portfolio through the Bull-O-Meter and it showed excellent growth potential. . .'

"Before interest rates get any higher, maybe we should start thinking about investing in a second elephant."

'Does my bum look big in this'

'Well, well, well. . . I see you've hidden several thousand eggs in an offshore basket. . .'

'Apparently if the banks don't pay top whack then senior staff will go off and bugger up someone else's business.'