Film Certificates T-Shirts

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Benedict Cumberbatch

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Herman Mankiewicz

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

No-Work Orange

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

Horror movies

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

"Make a lot of money."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Comedy Cafe

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Stand-up Romcom

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."