Film Certificates Prints

'Dirty, lesbian, whore, bitch, gang bangs turned out to be Finding Nemo!'

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Benedict Cumberbatch

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

"We just watched a hypermovie!"

Herman Mankiewicz

'R2-D2 is not in. Please leave a message after the beep-wheep-zip-booop ...'

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"Make a lot of money."

Horror movies

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

No-Work Orange

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Comedy Cafe

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"An actor, you say? Guess you caught the acting-like-a-waiter bug."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Stand-up Romcom

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

The ghosts of Christmas yet to come.