Fifth Anniversary Gifts

"I've been married to this husband for five years. In another year I'll be vested."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

'I've stepped on so many people for the last 20 years to get where I'm at, and I'm still only a middle manager.'

man fishing at a dock sees a billboard: Do You Know It's Anniversary

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"I can't sit down. Don't you remember? I worked my butt off for you."

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'You can't put him out to pasture - he owns the pasture!'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"It's not bulls**t if we call it strategy."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Sumo Love.

"We've waited twenty-five years to make this trip, and we're certainly not interested in getting there in any six and a half hours."

Sermon Applause.

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

"I always cry at mergers."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

...As we know, Jesus was a carpenter... but I don't think he actually sang on any of their records..."

"We're in deep trouble... there are some people quoting back to us what we taught them."

"We could hire another accountant and secretary, but wouldn't it be fun to have a barista?"

An old man and women are driving along with a 'Still married' sign on their car.

"All those in favor of eroticizing our annual report 'aye.'"

"I propose we build a panic room."

Employee lays in his 'OUT' box

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"So that is unanimous then - nobody has a clue what to do."

A senior moment.

"Accounts Dept, can I help you?"

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."