Field Medic Fanatic Pillows

'OK, you're all set. That stent in your artery will get you through the second half, but I'll need to open you back up after the game.'

"We're keeping you overnight because the nurses love you!"

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

'Why couldn't you throw like that in the game?'

"I'll tell ya what we don't need is some Dr. Durango helping us with a dang snake bite."

Little doctor.

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

"When was the last time anyone checked on Mr Klink."

Guide to Contagious Diseases.

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

'G-g-golly! One day out of med school and I'm about to perform brain surgery! Just look at that scalpel shake!'

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."

Parts Department

Doctors

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

Medical Examinations.

'You've a slipped disc in your back and a slipped everything in your front.'

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

'Since the playing field was sold off we've become a centre of excellence for one-a-side football.'

First aid departments

'Maggots.' - playing doctor

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

'Urology...can you hold?'

Doctor testing patient reflexes with unusual results.

'I'm sorry, Maam, but medical science still has a lot to learn about missing arms.'

Cardiology, Neurology and Ophthalmology.

'I was a junior doctor when I started this shift.'

"I can't find the instructions."

"And now to check the patient's reflexes."

'Howard, I wish you'd stop bring your work home with you.'

"This feels so familiar."

"It appears you have a virus."

'Isn't medical progress marvellous? If we'd been sat here a hundred years ago, we'd be dead by now!'