Festive Shopping Pillows

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

Christmas sweater alternatives

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

'I play an evolving character, In the second act, I'm a piece of pie,'

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

'Ahh...I see you travelling far and wide on a long fruitless mission but you still can't find a town centre parking space this Christmas...'

Black Friday

Seasonal shopping.

"I am in training for the sales."

'Denied?...but it's my last one.'

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

'Do I believe?? Listen, I believe in anything that generates $400 billion in annual sales!'

'The good news is, I got your Mum's cardigan.'

inflation at Christmas

'I braved the Boxing Day sales just for you, dear.'

The Holiday Party Invitation.

'Everything must go...manners included!'

'First I'd like to remind you of the true meaning of christmas - profits.'

'I think we should put a limit on how much we spend on each other at Christmas, like two hundred and twenty thousand pounds.'

'Why not just serve Thanksgiving dinner in the shoe department next year and be done with it??'

Support your local bookstore

"Do you have the time? We need to be home before Christmas shopping season ends."

Television and Christmas Sales

"Maybe they should call it 'in the red' Friday."

"I'm looking for something that expresses the spirit of the season but doesn't neglect the need for a credible deterrent."