Festive Schemer T-Shirts

"Keep an eye on that Santa...I think he might be a damned headhunter!"

A trap for Santa

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

"We'll see how it goes. It's Santa's first year with the genetically modified deer."

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Sponsoring Christmas this year was an act of sheer marketing genius."

No Miss, I wasn't day dreaming. I was planning my summer vacation!

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

Scary Face at Window

"I was sick - sick in Hawaii."

'No cuts in Medicare!'

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

"I'm doing my part to conserve electricity."

Old man stealing sand from a sand box for child

Santana Claus

Santa's Nightmares

"Room for bigger presents!"

'I thought we'd go for a digital tree this year.'

"May I have your attention? For Christmas, all I want is for everyone to write a note on how smart, charming and social I am. I'm collecting college reference letters before I enter my terrible teens."

Christmas in Space

'Free gifts to every kid in the whole world? -- Are you a Keynesian or something?'

"It's only weeks to Christmas. We have him right where we want him."

'Drone Santa.'

"Just how do you propose to pay for this giveaway?"

'It's all automated nowadays: Santa doesn't need to check the list twice anymore...'

"When Santa went electric they either diversified or got furloughed."

"If I do that to my own Barbie, imagine what might happen to a tattle-tale."

'If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.'

'I'm not writing 'gifts optional' on your birthday party invitation again this year 'cause no one got you a gift.'

"I've got a great deal for us...if we're willing to sponsor Christmas."

Elf Portrait