Festive Ironist Pillows

Mistletoe Farm

Mrs. Claus has a ladies night out.

"I don't believe in you!"

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

Christmas Presents.

'I hate all holidays!'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

Bad gifts

Santa 'Freezing' Claus.

Snowman has twisted, wonky carrot nose: 'Apparently, it's organic.'

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

'Oh, Christ.'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Who cares what little kids think? What's important is that you believe in yourself."

'I don't believe in myself any more.'

'Due to budget cuts we are having to take on more temporary staff.'

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

"That's Bridgeport from legal, he's got the consent forms."

"This year let's choose a Christmas card design that reflects the situation the country is in. Let's go for a design that says: Bah humbug!"

'After talking to him. it's clear our only hope for a bonus this year is Santa Claus.'

'Well, hello, Mr. Christmas!'

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Santa hosing the Chimney.

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

"We had no sherry so I left him some of your dad's home brew instead."

'And the Angel of the Lord said unto them, 'Go fill all thy shops with overpriced tat, stuff thyselves sill for four months and see if thou canst get away with calling it Christmas.'

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

"So Mr. Claus, there is a Virginia!"

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring...except Bert who had a weak bladder!

C.P.A.

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"Well, if you expect me to be good, you'll have to bring me something better than the rubbish I got last year!"