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'I'm calling you a cab.'

'Skip the meal more room for dessert!'

There's always one idiot at the staff Christmas party who goes too far. If you work for yourself, that would be you.

When dogs do a Secret Santa.

'This whole North Pole thing of yours ? is it some kind of tax dodge or what?'

"It's a Freedom of Information request for my naughty-or-nice list."

"Rudolph not well, so I had to get someone in form the agency."

Santa crawling out of log burning stove.

"Naughty or nice? I'll let my lawyer answer that one."

'Frankly I'd expected rather more from interactive television.'

Elf Tortures Santa.

Santa in sleigh with another sleigh full of batteries in tow

COWS: Cow on Santa's lap

Happy Christmas - other religious festivals are also available.

'The latest report,,,2,781,047 are naughty, 14,323,995 are nice and 2,857,623,917 are on the fence,'

A dog chases Santa's sleigh.

Santa with reindeer minders.

'In our class's Christmas pageant, I'm playing the department store manager.'

"Over Christmas vacation I found a box of chocolates on top of the refrigerator. I ate 15 not knowing that they contained liqueur. I got very drunk and stumbled from room to room, puking on everything."

The Eleventh Day of Christmas

"Saint Patrick's Day is nice but all of the best holidays have candy."

'Okay I know he's Santas little helper but this is getting ridiculous!'

"One day full on, and then 364 days without work...I've had enough of the ruddy gig economy."

"It is not a man purse, OK?"

"Dang!! Wrong hole."

"You believed you were above everyone else, and deserved to look down on others. This is a clear case of shelf-elf-filling prophecy."

'HO,HO,HO,WHY ARE YOU AFRAID OF SANTA CLAUS??!!'

Dislocated Gumdrops.

"I never get what I ask for so you may as well give me a refund now."

I'd rather be skating in Kew

"It was awesome! I was so well camouflaged he didn't see me, but I saw Santa!"

"'Naughty or nice'? - Is that like Yin and Yang?"

"What with Brexit and the U.S elections the media have lost interest in me."

"You need to do something about your low elf esteem."

'I've been really good this year, Santa. I only got two ASBOs.'