Festive Firestarter Gifts

"Don't you love the smell of burning leather boots this time of year?"

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'AAAARGH!...Get it off! Whatever the hell it is...Get it off!'

This "fire" invention is taking more wood than we expected. The First Cost Overrun.

Oog invented fire, then he accidentally sat in it and invented walking upright.

"Your wheel idea was a huge hit, so what have you got for me this time?"

Me cold. Need heat cave. Fire works. To make metal tools, I need to melt these rocks. Fire works. I'd like a romantic atmosphere for my date tonight. Fire works. How should we celebrate the founding of our new nation? Fireworks!

Good luck with that quest for fire thing! I'm just going over there to eat some grass!

"A raise? You want me to give you a raise? Do I look like f*ckin' Santa Claus?"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

'I was just rubbing sticks together for fun -- I didn't realize I was doing basic research.'

'I was just rubbing sticks together for fun -- I didn't realize I was doing basic research.'

'What do you mean; 'I should burn less fuel to save the environment'? I only discovered fire this morning.'

Santa Randy was fired and Santa Claus got the job.

Let's make a bonfire of our troubles.

"Let's just binge watch this."

"Central heat. Pretty posh."

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

"Yes, I do know how to light a fire with two sticks... Provided one of them is a match."

"For Trog, the discovery of the skewer far outweighed the discovery of fire... Incredible!"

Cow asks the horse for the carrot.

Bonfire

I've invented "fire." It'll accelerate global warming and get us out of this ice age!

International Speculators

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

New York City Santa with huge bag hails cab.

'Frankly, I think his caroling was better before he launched a solo career.'

"I didn't discover fire, but I was the first to encircle it with stones."

'I just discovered fire!'

'Where were you on the night of October 31st?'

The animal and plant kingdoms unite to send to you Season's Greetings.

"Fire down."

'I was told that someone's mastered the secret of fire!'

'I'm a very busy man - this way I am able to hunt and cook at the same time.'

"My dad didn't get what he wanted for Christmas, so he went into his usual rage-display! So embarrassing..."