Festive Fashion Critic Gifts

'Boy, you look like you were poured into that suit!'

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

'Amazing! We truly do live in a classless society.'

"That shirt is so last year."

Prosecco

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"Shouldn't have, you really."

Bad gifts

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

Non-Uniform Day Today.

'I play an evolving character, In the second act, I'm a piece of pie,'

'I am the ghost of Christmas future...with fries!'

"You're wearing too much rouge."

"I hope he's wearing pants."

Old fashioned Christmas shopping

"I see we're split between those who like my new tie, and those who welcome unemployment."

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"No, those people aren't anorexic. Those people are starving."

Oi to the world!

"Maybe this year..."

Hip hop Santa.

'He doesn't seem to like my haircut.'

Easter Egg

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

A man with a pocket handkerchief encounters a kangaroo with a pocket handkerchief.

The Ravages of Time: Marky Mark, circa 2043

Snowman Tattoo

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

"Times are challenging so all our staff have to multitask."

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

'Sure it looks bad now, but try to imagine it with the right shoes.'

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

"And then she said, 'You're wearing that to the psychiatrist?'"