Festive Fail Detective T-Shirts

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

Bad gifts

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

The composer of the 'Twelve Days of Christmas' song.

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

"Hundreds of looted Christmas gifts. . . A missing reindeer. . . does that ring a bell, Mr. Rudolph?"

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

"That 'Spirit of Christmas yet to come' comes around earlier every year..."

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

Undercover Santa

'Of course I believe in Santa. Just not a publicly funded one.'

Insurance claim on Grandma

Santa's Helpers

"Can't you do something productive instead of sitting around 364 days of the year?"

Castaways at Christmas

'This could be interesting, quick go and get the video camera!'

"Well, of course my DNA was found at the scene, it's Christmas Eve!"

"There are never sleigh tracks on our roof, or soot tracks on our carpet. Maybe you're just fake news?"

"Who hired him?"

"Whoa! Looks like a worker's comp thing, Carl."

"December 19, 1960 - North Pole: An innocent water balloon fight turns tragic as temperatures dip below freezing." "Holy Toledo."

"Mr Claus, you're suspected of breaking into 987356410239 houses right through the chimney within one single night!"

'Where were you on the night of the 24th December?'

A 'fruitcake disposal' receptacle is set out during Christmas time . . .

Tom Cruise Christmas Impossible

A tree that only days earlier was standing perfectly upright on its own.

"This consumer durable isn't."

'Hey, baby-pucker up!...Come over here and give Santa a big ol'smoocheroo!'